Dear young me!

Dear 8 year old me.

I know that you think that your life sucks. It doesn't.
It really doesn't. You'll see later.
I know that you think that it's hard now. I get it, it is.
You just need to realize one thing; it's not your fault.
Don't blame yourself for the divorce. You can't do anything about it. Trust me, you will hate your parents for it a lot but it is good in the end. I promise! Don't be afraid to cry, it will only hurt you more in the end to keep them in. I know that too.. But you need to stop beating yourself over it! And please, don't blame your parents either. They were never meant to be together and their happiness is important to you, you just don't realize it right now. You will hate your moms new apartment. It will feel like your not home and you will cry yourself to sleep. But you will accept it sooner or later. 

Your life will change. Big times. You don't know it yet, but you will have two of the best friends in the world in just a month or two. Maybe you've already found them? They will make you laugh, they will make you happy and they will make you fearless and carefree! You will need them in your life. They will stick by your side even though you will feel so bad inside that you're being a bitch to them. They will stick through everything! You will find a third best friend in three years too! It's a horse. You already know him but you hate him. There won't be a single horse from your life right now left. It's sad but it's true.. But you will fall in love with this wonderful horse and you will cry so much over him. There will be blood, sweat and tears but it will be worth it in the end. It truly will be. 

You will be going through a rough time but you need to be happy with yourself. You can't be mean against your friends because you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. They only mean well. And you weight won't matter. You don't need to care about that! You don't need to skip meals because it hurts too much when they tell you that you're skinny. You really don't. It will only cause trouble in the future.. 

Your life will be great! You will meet new friends and you will be content with life. Then you will be 11 years old and your best friend will move away. You can still meet her but you guys won't be talking as much. You're gonna be sad about it, and you're gonna be mad. When you're 12 you will get into a huge fight with your other best friend. It will tear you apart, but you two will need it. You won't lose each other forever, trust me!
You will find two new, really good friends. They will mean so much to you along with this horse. Oh, and your dad will meet somebody new. Your hopes will be shattered to the ground, but then you will meet her and you will see the gleam in your dads eye and you will be so happy for him! You will find another horse too. You will be so happy. You don't understand really..

You will meet another horse later too. You will call her 'my heart' because she will be so important to you. You won't dare to tell people that you love her because you will feel like a traitor. You're not. Absolutely not!
You will start intermediate school and you will realize that you need to grow up. You will. You will make two best friends. You will be as happy as anybody can be with life. Then somebody will collect your confidence, your self esteem, your hopes and your life and just shatter them. Yeah, the horse you fell in love with two years earlier will be taken away from you. You will hurt so much and you won't be sure if you can walk through life without him. You will be able to do it, so don't hurt yourself. If not for others, do it for yourself.

Then you will start 8th class and you will start to feel alive again.. One of your two best friends will be your rock. She will listen to all of your stupid problems, your insecurities, your complaints, your weird stories and she will check on you every now and then and just ask you how you are doing. She will be really good for you! You will make some great friends in school and you won't feel the need to cry every day anymore. You will be fine. You know that you will be fine.. I know that you will be fine!

You won't be perfect along the way, you won't stay true to yourself all the time, you won't be yourself, you won't feel secure about yourself at all and you won't smile all the time. But you know what? It's okay. Because I know you 7 years from now. And you know what? That girl doesn't love herself, she isn't perfect, she isn't herself all the time and she is broken. But she is you, and that makes me sure that she will be great!

I'm not telling you not to mess up, because you will, I'm just telling you to live your life because it will all be okay in the end!


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